I particularly admire are Mark Twain and Jerome K. Jerome who wrote in a certain tone of voice which was humane and understanding of humanity, but always ready to annotate its little foibles. I think I'd lay my cards down on that, and say that it's that that I'm trying to do.

I don’t see why it matters what is written. Not when it’s about people. It can always be crossed out.

I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did.

It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive.

It was amazing how many friends you could make by being bad at things, provided you were bad enough to be funny.

Pride is all very well, but a sausage is a sausage.

There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.