Everyone should occasionally break the law in some small and delightful way. It's good for the hygiene of the brain.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

I would not like it thought that I do not buy my own paperclips, sir. I enjoy owning my own paperclips. It means they are mine.

I found while driving in Wyoming that wearing a stetson and driving a beat-up pickup meant you could go as fast as you like, while the police picked up Californian winnebagos that went one mph over 55. After all, they wanted to bring money into the state, not merely circulate it.

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH,' the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.

Personal’s not the same as important. People just think it is.

I'm not cruel, sir, I won't shoot you in the guts, but I will make you realize how much you took your toes for granted.