I'm not cruel, sir, I won't shoot you in the guts, but I will make you realize how much you took your toes for granted.

He's probably their battle poet, too." "You mean he makes up heroic songs about famous battles?" "No, no. He recites poems that frighten the enemy....When a well-trained gonnagle starts to recite, the enemy's ears explode.

I thought unicorns were more . . . Fluffy.

It's a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi' a toad

The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they've found it.

Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft. When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big.

I commend my soul to any god that can find it.