I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was the last thing on my mind.

Vimes's lack of interest in other people's children was limitless.

His sister had been sent down to the village to ask Mistress Garlick the witch how you stopped spelling recommendation.

The students were staring at her in the manner of those who have heard of the species 'female' but have never expected to get this close to one.

Nature abhors a lot of things, including vacuums, ships called the Marie Celeste, and the chuck keys for electric drills.

I stroll along, talk, I sign books, people buy me drinks, I forget where my hotel is, I get lost and fall into some local body of water... done it hundreds of times.

Nanny Ogg could see the future in the froth on a beer mug. It invariably showed that she was going to enjoy a refreshing drink which she almost certainly was not going to pay for.