Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards because a refusal often offends, I read somewhere.

A good plan isn't one where someone wins, it's where nobody thinks they've lost.

I'm mean and turf and I'm mean and turf and I'm mean and turf and I'm mean and turf, And me an' my friends can walk towards you with our hats on backwards in a menacing way, Yo!

Jeremy tried to be an interesting person. The trouble was that he was the kind of person who, having decided to be an interesting person, would first of all try to find a book called How to Be An Interesting Person and then see whether there were any courses available.

I reckon responsible behavior is something to get when you grow older. Like varicose veins.

I wish that the people who sing about the deeds of heroes would think about the people who have to clear up after them.

I'm not really good at fun-to-know, human interest stuff. We're not 'celebrities', whose life itself is a performance. Good or bad or ugly, we are our words. They're what people meet.