I must have read every issue of 'Punch' published in the 20th century, and I think in the process I picked up the true voice of English humour - that amiable, fairly liberal, laconic voice which you find in something like 'Three Men in a Boat.'

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.

They can ta'k our lives but they can never ta'k our freedom!' Now there's a battle cry not designed by a clear thinker

Most of my schooldays were the worst day of my life.

The enemy isn’t men, or women, it’s bloody stupid people and no-one has the right to be stupid.

It is said that whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad. In fact, whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first hand the equivalent of a stick with a fizzing fuse and Acme Dynamite Company written on the side. It's more interesting, and doesn't take so long.

He said it was better to belong where you don't belong than not to belong where you used to belong, remembering when you used to belong there.