There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! Who's been pinching my beer?

Be careful what you wish for. You never know who will be listening.

It was amazing how many friends you could make by being bad at things, provided you were bad enough to be funny.

No. Men should die for lies. But the truth is too precious to die for.

If you try to to take my bananas from me, I will reclaim them from your cold dead hands.

No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled. "Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?" "What?" "Oh, you'd like something simpler?

It's a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi' a toad