A convention is an agreed-upon falsehood, a permitted lie.

Money is like manure; it's not worth a thing unless it's spread around encouraging young things to grow.

Many plays - certainly mine - are like blank checks. The actors and directors put their own signatures on them.

Nature reserves the right to inflict upon her children the most terrifying jests.

Being employed is like being loved: you know that somebody's thinking about you the whole time.

The comic spirit is given to us in order that we may analyze, weigh, and clarify things in us which nettle us, or which we are outgrowing, or trying to reshape

There is no need for me to curse you -the murderer survives the victim only to learn that it was himself that he longed to be rid of. Hatred is self-hatred.