There's a Drunk Midget in My House Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Like most people who have had one baby, I am an expert on everythiing and will tell you, unsolicited, how to raise your kid!

A combustion engine of ambition and disappointment.

Life is improvisation.

You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

There is no one of-woman-born who does not like Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar and a Socialist.

Sometimes I'll be telling my husband, 'I think I'm cracking up'. Sometimes you just need a minute to say, 'I think I'm cracking' and just acknowledge it.

Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we're like Oprah and Gale. Only we're not denying anything.