Somebody says, 'Do a Tom Bodett, a folksy kind of thing,' and it sounds like something out of 'Hee Haw,' very insulting. They turn wry humor into disparaging sarcasm, and you get what amounts to insulting advertising.

The difference between an optimist and a pessimist? An optimist laughs to forget, but a pessimist forgets to laugh.

I'm happy to report you still get nothing you don't need at Motel 6, and, therefore, you don't have to pay for it. I don't need valet parking. If I can drive the old crate 300 miles to the hotel all by myself, I can certainly handle the last nine feet to the parking space.

Like most Alaska immigrants, my roots continue to petition for equal time.

They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.

In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.

I'm not an impersonator. I've only got one voice and only do one guy and his first-person essays.