There used to be this country called the Soviet Union; it's not there anymore. Our technology was better than theirs.

When I go to peoples' houses I like to sneak into their bedrooms and try on their underwear.

I am a politician which means I am a liar and a crook. When I am not kissing babies I am stealing their lollypops.

Every novel begins with the speculative question, What if "X" happened? That's how you start.

About forty percent of the people vote Democrat. About forty percent vote Republican. Of those eighty percent, most wouldn't change their votes if Adolf Hitler was running against Abe Lincoln - or against FDR. . . . That leaves twenty percent of the people who swing back one way or another . . . the true independents. . . . That twenty percent controls the destiny of the country.

Even true believers had consciences, Too bad.

Ice hockey is the closest thing to religion permitted by the Soviet Union.