It's hard to have any moral authority over a group of drunken college students when you have never had a beer and never been laid.

It's exciting to be able to do something completely independent without anybody challenging it, and it's a big part of the reason why I'm enjoying doing the stand-up comedy, is I'm able to go out and interact with people one-on-one after the show. It's very punk-rock.

I think I always enjoyed the energy of a crowd, of being onstage. It started when I was even younger doing public speaking at school and just kept going from there.

We all borrow and steal and copy from each other, and that's the way I think people get inspired.

I've always got a whole bunch of things in the works. That's sort of the nature of the business. Even when you're doing something you love doing, you have to be plotting and scheming and writing and preparing for what you're going to do when that's finished.

I'm no more a lawbreaker than they are , and if they were lawbreakers for keeping God's commandments, they're my example.

Everyone knows that senior citizens are stupid