I saw a crow building a nest, I was watching him very carefully, I was kind of stalking him and he was aware of it. And you know what they do when they become aware of someone stalking them when they build a nest, which is a very vulnerable place to be? They build a decoy nest. It's just for you.

A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.

Oh I don't mind going to weddings, just as long as it's not my own.

There's a place down the street; Seven Xs. What does that mean? Maybe it's... girls without skin.

It's cold out there, colder than a ticket taker's smile at the Ivar Theatre on a Saturday night.

I hate Disneyland. It primes our kids for Las Vegas.

There's always free cheddar in the mousetrap, baby.