You can't hold me to the same standard as the president or a school teacher. I'm just a comedian. My job is like Archie Bunker.

Stand-up don't get no respect - it's the hardest thing to do in show business. You don't have no band and there's no music.

The truth is if I had a gay son, I would love him just as much as if he was straight… I might have to try to love even more because I know of the difficulty that he would have in society.

I'm around my kids every day. I'm regular. We're a regular family. My wife cooks, she washes clothes, I read books, I pump my own gas, I get my own hair cut.

I can't watch American Idol... it's like karaoke without the booze.

I don't like doing stand-up for little kids. It's not geared for that.

I can make people laugh at the drop of a dime. God's given me that ability.