What is it with you today?” says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are still swollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face. “Oh, you know,” I say. “Sun shining. Birds chirping.” She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an underground tunnel.

Oh. I just assumed... That because I am so absorbed by him everyone must be too.

He stares at me, and I don't look away. He isn't a dog, but the same rules apply. Looking away is submissive. Looking him in the eye is a challenge. It's my choice.

Like a wild animal, the truth is too powerful to remain caged.

I never thought I would need bravery in the small moments of my life. I do.

I'll have to keep looking for more of them, more brief moments of freedom in a world that refuses to allow it.

I also don't believe that whatever come after life depends on my correctly reciting a list of my transgressions-that sounds too much like an Erudite afterlife to me, all accuracy and no feeling.