As is gloriously sung in the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta "H.M.S. Pinafore," in the words of W. S. Gilbert: "Things are seldom as they seem, Skim milk masquerades as cream."

I love my fellow creatures - I do all the good I can - yet everybody says I'm such a disagreeable man!

My object all sublime I shall achieve in time- To let the punishment fit the crime- The punishment fit the crime.

No good play is a success; fine writing and high morals are useless on the stage. I have been scribbling twaddle for thirty-five years to suit the public taste, and I should know.

You must lie upon the daisies and discourse in novel phrases of complicated state of mind. The meaning doesn't matter if it's only idle chatter of a transcendental kind.

Saturday afternoon, although occurring at regular and well-foreseen intervals, always takes this railway by surprise.

No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he's a dirty little beast.