No good play is a success; fine writing and high morals are useless on the stage. I have been scribbling twaddle for thirty-five years to suit the public taste, and I should know.

In all the woes that curse our race there is a lady in the case.

Bind up their wounds - but look the other way.

He did nothing in particular, and did it very well.

Let the punishment fit the crime.

A popular speaker, however unpopular and insignificant, has only to wind up his speech with half-a-dozen lines of Shakespeare (and to make it clearly understood that they are Shakespeare's) and he will sit down amid thunders of applause.

I'm really very sorry for you all, but it's an unjust world, and virtue is triumphant only in theatrical performances.