It must be that there is something naturally absurd in a sincere emotion, though why there should be I cannot imagine, unless it is that man, the ephemeral inhabitant of an insignificant planet, with all his pain and all his striving is but a jest in an eternal mind.

Have common sense and stick to the point.

It's always difficult to make conversation with a drunk, and there's no denying it, the sober are at a disadvantage with him.

Make him laugh and he will think you a trivial fellow, but bore him in the right way and your reputation is assured.

Perfection is a trifle dull. It is not the least of life's ironies that this, which we all aim at, is better not quite achieved.

Nothing in the world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it.

A dictator must fool all the people all the time and there's only one way to do that, he must also fool himself.