You tend to close your eyes to truth, beauty and goodness because they give no scope to your sense of the ridiculous.

People are always a little disconcerted when you don't recognize them, they are so important to themselves, it is a shock to discover of what small importance they are to others. [The human element]

It is pleasure that lurks in the practice of every one of your virtues. Man performs actions because they are good for him, and when they are good for other people as well they are thought virtuous: if he finds pleasure in helping others he is benevolent; if he finds pleasure in working for society he is public-spirited; but it is for your private pleasure that you give twopence to a beggar as much as it is for my private pleasure that I drink another whiskey and soda. I, less of a humbug than you, neither applaud myself for my pleasure nor demand your admiration.

There are directors who desire to be artistic. It is pathetic to compare the seriousness of their aim with the absurdity of their attainment.

It's very hard to be a gentleman and a writer.

No woman is worth more than a fiver unless you're in love with her. Then she's worth all she costs you.

All the words I use in my stories can be found in the dictionary-it's just a matter of arranging them into the right sentences.