I want a tattoo over my heart that reads TRY HARDER YOU LAZY PARAMEDIC SHITBAG OR I WILL HAUNT YOUR BEDROOM FOREVER

Writing is basically a job for people who like punching themselves in the face, I’m pretty sure.

You're miserable, edgy and tired. You're in the perfect mood for journalism.

I grew up in the 80s in England: we'd wake up each morning and look out the window to see if the government had finally put Daleks on the streets.

By four o'clock, I've discounted suicide in favor of killing everyone else in the entire world instead.

My neck and shoulders are killing me. Hard to focus on writing about murder, doom, shagging, our hopeless future & other comedy etc etc.

Its a strange world. Lets keep it that way.