Being a grownup means assuming responsibility for yourself, for your children, and - here's the big curve - for your parents.

I'm perpetually curious as to what happened to all those supposed prodigies who were singled out while I and my coterie of far more interesting malcontents passed on.

Sloth is the fastest-growing lifestyle movement in the world, and that's because it is completely doable. If you embrace sloth, it's the last thing you'll ever have to do again.

No matter how successful I become as a playwright, my mother would be thrilled to hear me tell her that I'd just lost twenty pounds, gotten married and become a lawyer.

No matter how lonely you get or how many birth announcements you receive, the trick is not to get frightened. There's nothing wrong with being alone.

The thing I longed for as a teenager is now an object of neglect and scorn. I've grown to hate my telephone.

The struggle to be considered a grown-up begins, I believe, shortly after birth.