I put my pants on just like the rest of you - one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records.

James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was.

There’s a benefit to losing, you get to learn from your mistakes.

If you ain't first, you're last!

I think 'SNL' was such a unique thing because it was material you created and you're very comfortable with it, even though the setting was pressure-packed.

I've never had a yard sale, ever, in my life. I don't know if I ever thought about stuff I would get rid of.

The funny guy doesn't get the girl until later in life. High school, college, everyone still wants the brooding, dangerous guy you shouldn't have.