Alcohol is like Photoshop for real life

I'm the minority in my house sometimes. My wife is Swedish, and we go to Sweden and everyone is rattling off in Swedish. It's like, 'OK, I can just read a book.'

I speak as much Spanish as anyone who has grown up in Southern California or Texas or Arizona. I had my three years of high-school Spanish and a couple of semesters in college.

My dad turned me onto Peter Sellers as a kid. I loved the fact that he was a unique combination of being extremely subtle and over-the-top all at the same time, and that's a hard thing to do. I admire that.

I would love to play Simon Cowell in a movie - heck, I would love it. It would be my dream role.

I'm a cotton-headed ninny muggins.

I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time.