Alcohol is like Photoshop for real life

In the fourth grade, I learned how to fake walking into a door. You know, you hit it with your hand and snap your head back. The girls loved it.

I remember going with my mom to a random garage sale as a kid and thinking what a cool treasure hunt that whole world was. Only to transition as an adult to think, 'What a gross place that really is.'

Often times I'm confronted with a quote that I don't remember saying. So, on one hand it's very flattering, it is just so surreal.

There are a lot of really funny guys who are very natural in what they do: Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Seth Rogen.

Since I was eight years old, I went to Trinity. I mean, I listened to Reverend Wright since I was a kid and I always heard him preach sermons of love and inspiration.

I put my pants on just like the rest of you - one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records.