I want to thank Jesus, and by Jesus I mean Jesus Hernandez, my bodyguard

A lot of the times you read something and you don't realize that you are going to have to do the things that you read.

Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know

When you look at someone like Sacha Baron Cohen, you have to really respect the boundaries he is pushing as Bruno or Borat.

No matter how much you screw up your own life by the wrong decisions that you make, it's never too late to do the right thing and change your ways and you can teach old dogs new tricks.

Grief is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac.

When I was ten, I wrote an essay on what I would be when I grew up and said I would be a professional soccer player and a comedian in off season.