Writing books is fun because after I do a show for a couple hours, I'm in a bus for 22 hours. It's not hard for me to look out the window and tell a joke here and there.

I like marijuana because it keeps me from killing people. And I think there are a lot of people out there who are just like me. The reason it's not legal is because most people get up in the morning and get high, then forget to go out and vote for it.

Do something bad a thousand times and it's no big deal. Everyone just goes, "Willie f - up again."

I didn't come here and I ain't leavin'.

There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.

Inside every cowboy there's a lady who'd love to slip out.

If you’re not crazy there’s something wrong with you. Willie Nelson