Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash.

I only believe in statistics that I doctored myself

If one has to submit, it is wasteful not to do so with the best grace possible.

The monarchy is so extraordinarily useful. When Britain wins a battle she shouts, God save the Queen; when she loses, she votes down the prime minister.

Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted.

Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.

Anyone who is not a liberal in his youth has no heart. Anyone who remains so as he matures has no brain!