Why Everyone Thinks They're the Good Guy

Ever notice how in every conflict, everyone seems convinced they’re the reasonable one? That they’re just 'defending themselves' or 'stating the truth'? Welcome to the universal illusion of moral superiority.

Here’s why everyone—yes, even your ex, your boss, and that driver who cut you off—believes they’re the good guy.

The Hero Bias: It’s All About Perspective

No one wakes up and thinks, 'Can’t wait to be the villain today.' In our internal narratives, we’re the misunderstood hero, the flawed but noble protagonist. Even when we mess up, we justify it with context, intention, or the ever-handy 'they started it.'

This isn’t narcissism—it’s human. We see life through our own lens. And that lens is always edited for our comfort.

Cognitive Dissonance and Self-Justification

When our actions contradict our self-image, our brain gets uncomfortable. That tension is called cognitive dissonance. To relieve it, we rewrite the story. We minimize harm, inflate virtue, and reinterpret facts to align with the identity we want to believe in.

So even when we do something shady, we might label it as 'necessary' or 'deserved.' This is how everyone—even the antagonist in your origin story—still thinks they’re a decent human.

Moral Relativism in Real Time

Your version of ‘good’ might not match someone else’s. And when values clash, both sides can genuinely believe they’re right—because they’re using different ethical compasses.

Think politics, family feuds, or your coworker’s approach to microwave etiquette. Everyone’s choices make sense to them based on their background, beliefs, and emotional needs.

Memory is a Biased Editor

Our brains are storytellers—not historians. We forget our worst moments and exaggerate our best. We selectively remember details that confirm our goodness and omit the ones that complicate it.

Over time, you become the highlight reel of your intentions, not your actions. This is why your memory of that argument is totally different than theirs.

Villains Don’t Think They’re Villains

The classic villain trope—the evil laugh, the desire for chaos—it’s mostly fiction. In real life, people who cause harm often believe they’re doing the right thing.

They’re not plotting destruction. They’re avenging injustice, protecting something sacred, or reacting to deep wounds. Just like you, they want to feel justified. And usually, they do.

Why It Matters: Empathy, Not Excuses

Understanding this bias doesn’t mean letting people off the hook. But it can help explain behavior that seems irrational or cruel. And it can create room for empathy, accountability, and even conflict resolution.

Next time someone frustrates you, pause before labeling them 'the bad guy.' Ask yourself: how might they be the hero of their own story? It doesn’t make them right—but it might help you respond with more clarity and less combustion.