Any good history book is mainly just a long list of mistakes, complete with names and dates. It's very embarrassing.

Once again decent citizens will be able to enter this house of worship, kneel down in front of a nearly-naked man hanging from a wooden apparatus by a series of gruesome body piercings, and engage in their bizarre practices of ritualized blood-drinking and cannibalism without being assaulted by graphic images of attractive young women with bare breasts.

You know, you look at the chaos in the conservative camp right now, it's only too tempting to blame it all on pot. But in fact, the Reagan revolution owes a lot to Reefer. For one thing, it's made the symptoms of senility socially acceptable.

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I don't know if the unborn has rights, but I do know that being born again doesn't give you more rights.