I really get a little bit confused by all this "angry angry angry" talk when all I do is tell jokes and at least some people find it funny.

I just tell jokes, and I think a lot of people take it too seriously. It's not that I don't have things that I'm angry about in the world, and I think most decent human beings are upset about things, and even upset about things in their own country, but I'm not a particularly unhappy fellow.

I guess I was a conspiracy theorist when I said "no weapons in Iraq." Now they call that history.

I think there's a lot of good and bad to L.A. One of the things you have to consider is that you can, if you're lucky, make a decent living here. That's a big plus. That's pretty positive. The weather is OK.

I do the interviews and then I read about myself. I understand it and I get what it is. But there's so much stuff that I say, either jokingly or lightheartedly, that gets printed like I'm dead serious.

The American people have no control over what the military does. We have no say in American foreign policy.

Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes.