My best jokes are so cheap. All I do is say things sarcastically.

I have a pretty lousy voice.

It helps if you don't date other actors, but actresses are beautiful. How can you say no?

I don't know anyone who's going to see Grind 22 times in the theater. My mom. Some kid who has short-term memory loss and forgot that he's seen it.

And in a world without heroes, as the movie trailer voice-over guy might say, the slightly awkward can be slightly cool.

I started drinking Scotch just to be a man.

I've had to fight for roles and I've lost a hundred roles, but 'Smoking' and 'Smith' were phone calls. That's the dream.