I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'