I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'