I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.'

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'