I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.

I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.