Then it suddenly and theatrically began to clean itself in the way cats do when they want you to know what a big deal you aren't.

I was the funny, outgoing kid who didn't understand how he could keep getting mistaken for a nerd nobody liked.

[J.Lo] found us a police car. Sort of. 'It's not a police car,' I said. 'It is,' said J.Lo. 'Looknow. Lights for flashing.' 'That's true.' 'Writing on the sides.' 'Yeah, but the writing? It says ''BullShake Party Patrol.'' Yes. Whatnow?

I've been punched by a vampire, an Indian girl, and a panda... I should be a video game.

What part of Canada are you from, honey?" "THE LEFT PART," said Jay.

We could have made it to the Arizona border in a few more hours if we hadn't been distracting each other with stupid little arguments. Don't get me wrong; I liked J.Lo fine. I've made that bed. But I'm not sure there's a person in the world I could be with twenty-four hours a day for three weeks without getting a little snippy. If I ever meet such a person, I'm marrying them.

As far as pets go, a cat is a nice on to have.