We only have one agenda, which is to make 'em laugh their pants off. Unless they are girls, of course, when it is to make them laugh their bras off so we can get a quick look.

A lot of people are obsessed with looking cool. They feel they have to look after their image.

I'm waiting for the time when I fail - because we all fail - and I'm ready, I'll take up carpentry.

Performers like Tommy Cooper, who are always getting things wrong, are much more endearing than comedians who are sassy and smart.

On stage, we just want to generate hysteria. We don't care about looking cool or posing.

Most modern comedy is crap.

There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour - people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them - but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.