Minnesotans know the difference between the job of satirist and the job of senator. And so do I.

Having an actual income can expand your romantic horizons toward the more appealing end of the spectrum.

I believe people have a right to know what's going on with their information and how it's collected, how it's stored and who gets it.

I can assure you, this is not about spying on the American people.

Some of my colleagues seem more interested in using every procedural method possible to keep the Senate from doing anything than they are in creating jobs or helping Americans struggling in a difficult economy.

I don't know what happens to you after you die. I'm not banking on there being, like, a heaven.

Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written "Today I will masterbate--if I want to!