If you hear, day after day, liberals are rooting against armed forces, that is eventually going to have an effect on soldiers and troops who are actually going to believe that and it's wrong. It's just wrong.

I once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh despite having been married for almost seven months. 'It's a job, Al,' Guy told me. 'We work at it every day.'

I wish I had spent more time at the office and less time in prison.

Apple has long been a leading innovator of mobile technology; I myself own an iPhone.

I do personal attacks only on people who specialize in personal attacks.

Let's keep the Internet weird. Let's keep the Internet free.

My dad loved comedians, especially George Jessel, and he loved Henny Youngman and Buddy Hackett.