My primary responsibility is to be funny.

My primary responsibility is to be funny.

You grow up real quick, a half-Mexican in a sailor's suit, because I'd be riding the streetcar to school everyday - minding my own business, humming out a 'Frere Jacques' - and I realized that in any other town, this might be considered cute. But you know what it is in San Francisco? Sexy.

Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. I love to take the wife and kids, but it's also near a sketchy neighborhood. So there's a lot of gang members that hang out at the waterfall. It's like somebody took an Ansel Adams photo and then put a Cypress Hill video inside it.

I'm always alone. Sad face emoticon.

Stop throwing us all together like some sort of Puerto Ricaminican Tex-Mex buffet.

I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes.