I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

When I swore that you're getting more and more beautiful everyday. Well, I was only kidding, honey.

He put Ben Gay inside my jock strap and filled my tooth paste tube up with glue.

Many years ago I found out something about hamburgers that really grossed me out. You may not know this, so I hope I don’t make you sick, but it turns out hamburgers are actually made out of dead cows. I am not making this up. Needless to say, as soon as I discovered that, I gave up meat entirely.

I was a huge fan of 'Mad' magazine when I was 11, 12, 13 years old. I'd scour used bookstores trying to find back issues, and I'd wait at the newsstand for a new issue to come out. My life revolved around it.

Left all my Beatle records out in the sun, got a coke bottle stuck on the end of my tongue.

My brothers and sisters hated me because I was an only child.