Cloisters, ancient libraries ... I was confusing learning with the smell of cold stone.

There are more microbes per person than the entire population of the world. Imagine that. Per person. This means that if the time scale is diminished in proportion to that of space it would be quite possible for the whole story of Greece and Rome to be played out between farts.

History is a commentary on the various and continuing incapabilities of men. What is history? History is women following behind with the bucket.

I can walk. It's just that I'm so rich I don't need to.

I think the writer's quite low down in the hierarchy really. But the fact that they took the piss out of Nicholas [Hynter] who, besides being the director, is also director of the National Theatre is, I'd have thought, slightly more risky.

I don't talk very well. With writing, you've time to get it right. Also I've found the more I talk the less I write, and if I didn't write no one would want me to talk anyway.

Books are not about passing the time. They're about other lives. Other worlds.