Sometimes we have to put our foot down, ... but before we deliberately make children unhappy in order to get them to get into the car, or to do their homework or whatever, we need to weigh whether what we're doing to make it happen is worth the possible strain on our relationship with them.
Alfie KohnThose who know they're valued irrespective of their accomplishments often end up accomplishing quite a lot. It's the experience of being accepted without conditions that helps people develop a healthy confidence in themselves, a belief that it's safe to take risks and try new things.
Alfie KohnHow we feel about our kids isn't as important as how they experience those feelings and how they regard the way we treat them.
Alfie KohnWhoever said there's no such thing as a stupid question never looked carefully at a standardized test.
Alfie KohnContrary to what you think, your company will be a lot more productive if you refuse to tolerate competition among your employees.
Alfie KohnIn short, with each of the thousand-and-one problems that present themselves in family life, our choice is between controlling and teaching, between creating an atmosphere of distrust and one of trust, between setting an example of power and helping children to learn responsibility, between quick-fix parenting and the kind that's focused on long-term goals.
Alfie Kohn