How we feel about our kids isn't as important as how they experience those feelings and how they regard the way we treat them.

When we do things that are controlling, whether intentional or not, we are not going to get those long-term outcomes.

The value of a book about dealing with children is inversely proportional to the number of times it contains the word behavior.

You have to give them unconditional love. They need to know that even if they screw up, you love them. You don't want them to grow up and resent you or, even worse, parent the way you parented them.

Some who support [more] coercive strategies assume that children will run wild if they are not controlled. However, the children for whom this is true typically turn out to be those accustomed to being controlled— those who are not trusted, given explanations, encouraged to think for themselves, helped to develop and internalize good values, and so on. Control breeds the need for more control, which is used to justify the use of control.

To feel controlled is to lose interest.

Being a team player should not imply a demand for simple obedience and conformity.