RICH, adj. Holding in trust and subject to an accounting the property of the indolent, the incompetent, the unthrifty, the envious and the luckless.

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

ILLUSTRIOUS, adj. Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction.

I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.

EXISTENCE, n. A transient, horrible, fantastic dream,/ Wherein is nothing yet all things do seem:/ From which we're wakened by a friendly nudge/ Of our bedfellow Death, and cry: "O fudge!"

GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.