Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.

Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.

PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.

Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is, instead of as it should be.

MANNA, n. A food miraculously given to the Israelites in the wilderness. When it was no longer supplied to them they settled down and tilled the soil, fertilizing it, as a rule, with the bodies of the original occupants.

PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.