REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next.

Immigrant: An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.

QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.

STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue.

The sum of religion, says Pythagoras, is to be like him thou worshipest. Had Pythagoras lived in our day he would have seen his mistake. The sum of modern religion is to make him thou worshipest like unto thyself.

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.