CONGRESS, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.

Opportunity: A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.

At war with savages and idiots. To be a Frenchman abroad is to be miserable; to be an American abroad is to make others miserable.

ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear.

Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.