Woman absent is woman dead.

Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.

TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect ("Glossina morsitans") whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist ("Mendax interminabilis").

Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.

diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.

ARTLESSNESS, n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young.