HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not.

EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.

Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp."

You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.

It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.