HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.

Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

Fear has no brains; it is an idiot. The dismal witness that it bears and the cowardly counsel that it whispers are unrelated.

RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.

Something that is supposed to typify or stand for something else. Many symbols are mere "survivals" - as funereal urns carved on memorial monuments. We cannot stop making them, but we can give them a name that conceals our helplessness.

Age - That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.

Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.