Because of various security lapses, some senators are calling for a probe of the security at the offices of the Department of Homeland Security. The investigation will be conducted by the Department of Irony.

When you're doing sketch comedy and you're pregnant, it's like wearing a giant sombrero in every sketch.

A new poll reveals that 56% of Americans believe that Wal-Mart is bad for the country, while the other 44% work there.

You can't stand around and wait to be asked to dance.

A bossy woman is someone to search out and celebrate. A bossy woman is someone who cares and commits and is a natural leader.

There's only, like, five perfectly symmetrical people in the world, and they're all movie stars, and they should be, because their faces are very pleasing to look at, but the rest of us are just a jangle of stuff, and the earlier you learn that you should focus on what you have and not obsess about what you don't have, the happier you will be.

Decide what your currency is early. Let go of what you will never have. People who do this are happier and sexier.